Colleen P's post about religion.

My opinion is that theology is simply a projection of internal struggles. Spirutuality occurrs naturally in people, and abstraction of morality is a natural tactic to try and optimize the good and minimize the bad in life. The Christian theological framework is not developed in a vacuum, fully formed in the mind. It forms within the context of spiritual feelings. When removed from the psychology of spirituality, theology makes little to no sense, it is, as you said, "absurd."

However, I think pointing out the logical absurdity of theology will not get you far in convincing people to abandon it, as scientific facts can seem equally as absurd when veiwed from an emotional/superstitious point of view. Logic is a newer way of looking at things, and it may very well be better, but no matter how much an individual studies logic, they cannot remove emotions from their worldview, short of surgery.

Human beings are both emotional and rational. A religious worldview emphasizes the emotional and adds logic in later: belief first, then theology. Science takes the logical approach first, emotional later: first you test the equation, then you call it poetic.

For example, you mention an interesting example of a scientific thought that is also emotional: physics easing existential dread: the fact that we are "star stuff," made of heavier elements that were formed in supernovae billions of years ago. But realize that although it comes from scientific fact, this is kind of an "appeal to imagination," because it is a random fact, that's all. It carries special meaning only when applied to a human being whose biology has led him to fear the unknown and his own subsequent insignificance, causing him to imagine that the uniqueness of a star in the void of space is somehow transferred to him because he is made of things that were created in stars.

But now I read your post i realize you didn't mean it in that context, so maybe that whole point is moot.

What

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say that science is no better than religion. Science has a good track record in healing great amounts of human suffering and providing insight into how the world, including humanity, works. The pursuit of knowledge and the constant questioning and doubting encourages adaptabiliy in a way that religion doesn't seem to do. It addresses dangerous shortcomings of how we naturally view the world.

A better understanding of how religion works on a personal level may help you if you wish people to not feel offended by your comments. 

Thank you for posting because it's giving me the opportunity to reexamine my beliefs.

philosophy

I originally wrote this like, a month ago and didn't post it 'cause I wasn't sure if it was worth posting. I just reread it and here it is.


So maybe Spotify is better, but Pandora is leaving me somewhat non-plussed. I'm listening to Cool Jazz Radio, but they seem to be filtering out any song longer than 4 minutes. Seriously, I have a longer attention span than that.

It's not bad, it's just not as good as it purports to be. No substitute for a good DJ, or a record store.
I mean, think of how specific a database query can be. Would if I could do that with an online music collection? "Computer, find 25 songs from the genre "Jazz," that has >50 but <100 five star reviews, that was from either Blue Note or Colombia, recorded between June 1965 and April 1972."
Statistics and Data Analysis lead to many insightful findings in science. Couldn't these same tools be used to benefit the arts?

IF emotional state is the main factor causing action, and IF art is the best way to affect someone's emotions, AND art could be scientifically controlled to produce a chosen result...

To cause change in someone's life through a piece of art, you need to have the right combination of things: the internal state, that is the state of the person's mind and emotions, and the external inputs, that is, the information that the person's senses pick up. That's all that's really happening right? Would if we knew as much about that interaction as we did about interactions of chemicals? Obviously right now it's impossible, because there is no way to be accurate enough about measuring the internal state. But we can do much to measure the external state.

I mean, why do we keep science out of the arts? Forget writing art about people doing science, I'm talking about scientifically analyzing great works of art! Forty people go into a dark room and experience a bunch of stuff on the stage for about two hours. TWO HOURS and the course of their entire lives could be drastically changed, they may even change dramatically as people, that is, they may become something else. I'm taking these assumptions based on the self-evaluations that I've heard from people who have seen plays, and from my own observations of myself and others. I mean, they're not scientific observations, so they may be worthless, but doesn't the phenomena at least require more specific study?

Some scientists are already doing this, using active MRI scans on people listening to music, seeing movies, etc. I think more could be done, however.

Now here's the science fiction part: Would if we were able to reliably understand and control the outcomes of artistic experiences (between an individual and a stimulus) with the same accuracy as we can understand and control chemical reactions?

Not only could you make someone think or feel anything you wanted at any given time, you could change them into entirely different people (internally). Would if you could cure depression by showing someone a painting? Having them listen to a song?

-Miracle gun: can create the feeling of divine presence in anyone within 15 yards. 99% effective.
-how about this: a lump of intelligent material that can change its form into something that will infuriate whomever is looking at it. It can only do this for one person at a time, and it doesn't work on blind people.

Of course, if you want to be able to provoke any response possible, you'd need something like the Ultimate Holodeck. It would have to be like a programmable universe, that can create any type of sensory stimulus possible for any required amount of time.

You'd also need the Ultimate Tricorder, which would be a device capable of determining the state of all the relevant internal mechanisms of the subject in the Holodeck, hyper-accurately, as they happen, especially their neural connections and brain chemistry.

Of course, both those devices would have to be limited by the laws of physics, especially the current limits on how accurately you can manipulate or observe matter. I'm also assuming that a person is a closed system, that all aspects of the self are able to be determined from a body. I am also assuming that everything that is important to governing a person is measurable and able to be affected.

We already know that it is very difficult for people to change. Most people go their entire lives without changing very much on a deep level. Would if it was a lot easier to change people, all other factors remaining?

With great power comes great responsibility. And I'd say that as a species, our power has increased significantly over the past few hundred years, and we have already done things that have had drastic unintended consequences.

Will our power keep increasing? Will our understanding increase with it?

A narrative that I have been taught is the narrative of power increasing faster than understanding. That is, we usually have the ability to alter something before we have the understanding of how it works. And I suppose that's how it must be.

If we can never know everything,
and all things are connected,
then whenever we understand something enough to alter it,
we are ALSO altering things we don't understand.

long time no post

This 

+

 this 

+

This

=

This

Yay pragmatism!

Here's a little quick post just illustrating my own hypocrisy, or I guess you could call it a change in attitude over the course of time.

I wrote this little stub a long while ago (Not quite sure when, blogger software only keeps one date for drafts: the date last viewed.)

"Entrepreneurshit"


This  is what set me off.

Yes. That is what a real education is. How to bullshit people and get away with it. How to take something that has no value, convince people that it has value and to pay you for it. Fuck trying to find out what things in life are truly valuable. All you really need to do is convince people that you are valuable. 

Thanks for telling us all about your wonderful college experiences Scott. That was so cool how you got people to think that you were taking their opinions into account, but really weren't, when you were writing their "constitution." They were dumb enough or didn't care enough to call you out on it, so who cares? At least you're making money on it. You're being efficient. 

Now, here's another more recent stub: 

Smart people go to jobs that will make them money, and improve those companies, which in turn attracts more smart people, feedback loop

that could be broken by putting more money into important industries that need more help, like education, science and the arts

hell, maybe it's our education that's the problem, teaching us to care about stuff that won't be useful in 90% of the jobs we might hold

Notice especially the last bit there. Haha. 

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR POST IS ABOUT!!!!

This is kind of a repost, as I wrote it on facebook, but I'm very proud of it and I got a lot of positive feedback.

My friend from college Drew Gorham was originally a music major, and he changed over to philosophy, and on his wall he posted on of those "photo/caption" chain letter things that are big right now: here.

Here is my response:

"I consider myself spiritual and somewhat religious, and I don't claim to be a very good scientist, but I am sorry to see scientific beliefs twisted and condemned in a story like this. 


I certainly think the story provides comfort, but mostly because of the reasons expressed by Sumair here. I think that the story is bastardizing logic and reason in order to tell a story. As long as you view it as a story and not a proof, I don't think it is very offensive or dangerous, but it is assumed that many people will take it as a scientific proof of the validity of faith, which is a dangerous misconception, and a sorry facsimile of the true power of logic and reason.

The world is a very uncertain place, and people will go through all kinds of effort to find some mental and emotional certainty. I see the crux of science being a devotion to a remembrance of our inherent fallibility, that the most reliable truth is found only through intense scrutiny, through observation and experimentation.


Also, I have found that using Wikiquote and Snopes is a really good idea when dealing with quotes or stories attributed to universally admired figures. A lot of the time, people like to reinforce the perceived clout of their worldviews by projecting them onto those figures, and the emotionally positive association will bleed over from the figure to the worldview."

I am also really stoked about a economic discussion that I started on my timeline by asking people who study economics if lowering federal taxes has been shown to increase economic growth. Unfortunately I didn't understand all of it, but it did reanimate my memories of economics class, which is good. Also it's cool to see two people from totally different parts of my life talk to each other.  

CM Punk "Best in the World" (who is also Straightedge) putting the elbow drop on Mark Henry "The World's Strongest Man" (He actually won the World's Strongest Man competion)

So I don't know if all of you know this, but I've developed a taste for Pro Wrestling, thanks to my roommate and very good friend Odie. Now, in intellectual circles, Wrestling has a bad rap, almost as bad as organized religion. "Don't you know it's fake?" is what Odie often gets asked, and his answer is usually an Irish Whip into a clothesline followed by a moonsault from the top rope. Haha I'm kidding (Odie does like to wrestle, however, and he knows the name of every move...I mean literally every move...) But I have come to enjoy it somewhat and I have some thoughts about it. 

What people usually mean by "fake" is one of two things: that the outcomes of the matches are scripted, or that the combat is staged, both of which are true. Odie tells me that "plots" of the season of wrestling are written sometimes years in advance. The wrestling itself takes great strength and skill, but also involves stage combat techniques that give the impression of a "real" fight. I must point out however, that people who have done intense stage combat can attest that it is not as far removed from actual fighting as one might think. Then again, I've never really been in any real fights so I can't say much to the comparison. But it is dangerous, and people do get hurt, but it looks a lot more dangerous and painful than it is. 

Because what wrestling presents itself as is different from what it "really" is, watching wrestling requires suspension of disbelief, much like you would suspend your disbelief for a play or a television show. The reason I think people feel jilted is that at first glance, pro wrestling most closely resembles a traditional sport, and in traditional sports, a huge part of the appeal is that nobody knows which team will win. In baseball, basketball, fencing, and chess, who will win depends primarily on the skill of the players, and no punches are pulled, so to speak, as the players from opposing teams compete. 

The truth is that pro wrestling is I would say half sport, half entertainment. It is a hybrid, it has aspects of both genres. 

There's a little infographic for you, not in color cause I don't know how to do that easily. Most of the stuff in there is fairly obvious. 

Something I didn't have room to add but I think is worth noting, is that Traditional Sports and Pro Wrestling both have long histories to them. Wikipedia tells me that pro wrestling goes back to the 19th century. Also I'm seeing that Wikipedia has lots more info about pro wrestling than I post here. 

So back to the question, "Don't you know that it's fake?" To that, I offer another question: would you ask someone watching a play if they knew it was fake? The appeal of wrestling comes partly from the fact that it imitates "real" sports, but also largely from the intensified dramatics. Baseball players get to choose what music gets played when they come to the plate, but in Pro Wrestling each "superstar" as they call them has an elaborate, specific entrance involving gestures, pyrotechnics, video graphics on giant screens, catchphrases, etc. that can last up to five minutes. We usually get a very limited glimpse into an athlete's "off-field" life and interactions with other competitors, whereas in wrestling we stop the entire proceedings just to have a backstage interaction played out on the jumbotron. In a way, pro wrestling has more in common with Dragonball Z than it does with "real" wrestling. 

So what's the appeal of wrestling, anyways? I think it really comes down to the phenomenon of a streaker jumping onto the field at a baseball game. He gleefully sprints his way around, dodging the officials, and the crowd cheers. Why does the crowd sometimes cheer for him? Shouldn't they all be annoyed that he's interrupting the game as it's meant to be played? The fact is that sometimes people need to see the rules being broken, as kind of a cathartic, vicarious experience. I think it's healthy sometimes. Pro wrestling does a great job of creating the illusion of breaking rules and going extreme, when in fact they wrote the rules and are allowing them to be broken. 

Both sport and entertainment have been given noble stature over the ages- sport is said to embody the virtues of self-improvement, commitment, and discipline. Entertainment is said to enlighten, to move, to communicate. Pro Wrestling is kind of a bastard child of the two, and as such is viewed as a half-assed version of either: how can the spirit of competition be there if it's scripted, and how can enlightenment and communication be there if characterization and plot are simplified? 

I don't really know what the answer is to that. I'm not a huge fan of wrestling, but after a period of adjustment I'm able to enjoy it to a certain extent. I would say that despite its perceived lack of integrity, it does have value. It does require a high level of skill and discipline, and the superstars have to be excellent entertainers as well as athletes. The stories deal with basic themes such as betrayal, revenge, idealism, narcissism, cruelty, and love, even sometimes touching on harder issues such as alcoholism. It is multicultural, showcasing athletes from all over the world and including cultural aspects of their nations. People from all over the world and all walks of life enjoy it.

Now to bring this full circle, in my facebook post above I mentioned the danger of taking something at face value and believing it wholeheartedly, when in reality it doesn't hold water. I would say that it's really hard for me to enjoy pro wrestling while remembering all the time that it is scripted. Is it dangerous to have such a misleading thing as pro wrestling be "believed" in? Well it certainly doesn't help out the more gullible parts of us, but I don't think it's that dangerous. However, I think it would be true to say that modern American society could use a good booster shot of skepticism. With so much of our culture tied up in television and movies, we need to be able to think for ourselves. With so much money and power being used to convince people of things, and comparatively little being spent to figure out what things are worth convincing people of, we could get into trouble.  

It probably didn't need the analysis. But being out of school, I have to flex my academic brain somehow.   

See below for hyperbole

This.

Seriously, David Fucking Wong is the second coming of fucking Jonathan Swift. And he's writing in one of the pulpiest, low-brow places on the internet.

I just read this article and he described to me almost EXACTLY how I feel- this one article is more insightful than anything I have ever read or heard about gender relations, including from psychiatrists, psychologists, and professors.

Truly there is hope for the world if someone can realize what is going on, and communicate it in this way.

Granted, there is little chance of this article going "viral," which is a shame because it deserves to be.

How the media "market" decides what gets the priority to be communicated, usually mostly has to deal with what will get the most views, therefore the most money for the company. I'm tempted to say that in the modern media, truly useful and insightful public communication is rarer than it used to be, but reasonably it probably hasn't changed a whole lot.


****NOTE****

The article is kind of biologically reductionist, which means that is seems to trace all behaviors to biological causes; that is, the "nature" part of "nature versus nurture." I can't tell if that's part of the author being satirical or if it's just his point of view.

One of the commenters said that in his opinion, "The overwhelming power of the male sex drive is purely socialized," which would be the opposite end of the spectrum, "nurture" instead of "nature."

In MY opinion, the reality is probably a combination of the two, the mixture of which depends on the individual and circumstances.

"According to George Lucas, the design is inspired by a hamburger..."

Just this past week, two of my favorite artists died: Ralph McQuarrie, and Jean Giraud, also known as "Moebius."

Ralph McQuarrie I first got into when Star Wars had captured my imagination. I was listening to the soundtracks over and over on my walkman. I got a couple used books: "Inside the Lucasfilm Archives" and a "making of" book about Episode 1. The Lucasfilm Archives book had photos of some early concept art work for Episodes 4, 5, and 6, including many paintings by Ralph McQuarrie. I later discovered that Ralph McQuarrie was one of the first people George Lucas hired to develop his film, and that Ralph's paintings were key in getting 20th Century Fox to produce the film. Ralph originated the designs for R2-D2 and C-3P0, Darth Vader, Stormtroopers, and many others. Some of his production paintings were copied almost exactly as shots in the films.

The drawings themselves were colorful and exciting. They fascinated me by their mix of the familiar and unfamiliar, that is, in each piece you found both aspects that were key to the "final" version, and those that were scrapped along the way.

Of course, being a fanboy, it was really fun to speculate about alternate versions of iconic designs. "Would if the Millenium Falcon had looked like this? Would if Darth Vader's helmet had these original lines to it?" It excited me that such seemingly trivial decisions had shaped icons that would become recognizable the world over. I thought, how awesome would it be, if I drew something that was made into a film, that little kids would get toys of for christmas? That entire generations would recognize in a millisecond? I guess I've always had some lust for fame. Then again, I would probably be just as happy to draw something, and have someone look at it, and say "Wow, that's cool!"

I was kind of wrapped up in my own head at that age, and often times while riding my bike I would pretend that I was flying on some kind of speeder, like in Return of the Jedi. It was fun, but later I would come to regret somewhat having been so inroverted...I came to realize that personal relationships were essential to any real enjoyment in life, and that you need to invest in them.

The "Making of" book for Episode 1 also included lots of concept art. The artist that stood out most to me was Doug Chiang. I even spent some time on his studio website on the computer during high school.

As I got inspired, I got into sketching myself. I thought maybe I would become a concept artist when I grew up.

Jean Giraud I didn't get quite as into directly, and to be honest I'm not a huge fanboy, I'm bandwagoning a little bit with the fact that he just recently died. But the little that I have read of him has stayed with me, and I considered it very personal. While spending time on a Comics message board, I stumbled across a digital copy of his story "The Goddess," and read it all in one sitting. The spiritual themes and fantastic setting struck me, and I began to research who it was who had written it, at which point I discovered Moebius and his huge influence of science fiction and fantasy in the 20th century. He worked on "The Fifth Element," which is one of my all time favorite movies, both for its visual style and its message. He worked with H. R. Gieger on "Alien," and was concept artist and writer for "Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland" which I had seen a few years before and scared the heck out of me, but still had a bizzare fantastic feel that appealed to me. Jean Giraud also was behind the design of the probe droid that landed on Hoth in "Empire Strikes Back."

Just last night I went ahead and read his story "Le Garage Hermetique," which was just as mind blowing as I remembered the other story was.

To me, Jean Giraud's work is a great example of the philosophy that stories are a way for us to "dream while we are awake." What's interesting about dreams is that they are often bizarre and lack any "real world" logic to them, yet they can still be emotionally profound, and sometimes even help create insight. I believe that this fact should remind us that a good story need not be fanatically devoted to "reality" in order to be compelling.

Through theatrical and film history, there has been a tug-of-war in storytelling between trying to mimic reality, and trying to use more abstract means to communicate. Certainly which tools you use depends on your audience and the type of story you are trying to tell, as well upon your skill as an artist.

I was going to say that art that mimics reality faces a grave danger of bogging down in that attempt, but I think at this point I'm mostly projecting my internal struggles with what I value, and what I think I "should" value. I'm trained as an artist, and I really enjoy it, but sometimes I'm disappointed with how little my work seems to mean.

Sometimes it seems to me that science is the only worthwhile pursuit, because the biggest changes in our world have all come from science, have they not? How else besides with science can a society achieve "progress?" You don't really need culture, even the most monumental of cultural achievements are ultimately a sideshow, an escape.

But then again, art does provide a means to learn about ourselves. And I think that learning more about ourselves is important. Art is good for that, at least until the mysteries of the human brain are deciphered, at which point art will become obsolete.

(the final paragraph is from an earlier draft of this post, which is why it doesn't connect super well to the rest of it.)

We all have needs, both physical and non-physical, and they are not always able to be met. We fill needs in other's lives, we use others to fill our needs. We rely on each other. We rely on the thousands and thousands of people who work in our society, for the electricity to run, for the stores to open. And we rely on musicians and artists to create things that speak to us in ways that nothing else will. Society is like a massive beast, with thousands of eyes, ears, arms, mouths, and fingers. Unlike our individual bodies, this large body has only had a few thousand years to develop and refine itself. The "self" of society is like a newborn baby, wailing in pain and flinging its arms about in desperation. Over time, and through much sacrifice, it has developed and changed, and it is learning who it is, and where it belongs. With the perseverance, inspiration and beautiful acts of its members, it will continue to do so, and grow into its beauty.

*    *    *    *

Some more art:

Jean Giraud:

 Ralph McQuarrie:

Doug Chiang:

I'm a 6'4" black man who is totally ripped, with an afro and the word "THUG" tattooed in gothic letters on my chest.

About time I posted here again.

I'm working for my cousin Carolyn, with her company PrizmEyez! Basically I'm helping her with Shipping. She has a day job at Wells Fargo, but has a lot of shipping to do for PrizmEyez, and I'm helping her get more packages out faster, and she's going to pay me as well!

What's kind of bizarre, is that I closed Broadway Bound a week ago, and I don't have another show going on. All I have is dance class, and job hunting...it's actually really nice. I was just telling Carolyn: making progress on my top priority (getting a job) has made all the other stuff in my life so much more enjoyable. Because I can't ever really relax unless I know that I've done my work for the day...and if I feel like I have accomplished enough, the fun stuff I do is that much more fun.

I went and saw The Light in the Piazza at the Willows in Concord on Friday night. Brought back great memories from when I was in Chess in that theater. Also lots of good memories of seeing plays there with family, which we did each Christmas for a while when I was younger. Saw a lot of old friends. I enjoyed the play immensely.

Cast info: willowstheatre.org. Directed by Eric Inman. Excellent Lighting Design by Danny Maher, Props by Shaun Carroll, Costume Design by Sharon Bell. I couldn't find a Set Design/Construction credit in the program!! WTF?

With me, if the play is good, I get way into it, there's no looking back. Once I get past the first ten, fifteen minutes, I'm hooked, and even when I know the performers, I see them only as their characters. I start to fill in the cracks in the set with my own experiences and sensory memories— kind of like what you do when you're reading a book. It's really like nothing else. I'm glad I get to see plays every once in a while, and I remember how much I love them. Seeing plays also helps remind me what the audience's experience is like, and how forgiving they can be, especially if the costumes and set and lights are seamless. That's a good thing to remind myself of, considering how self-critical I can be when I'm onstage.

Odie's been staying at my place for the past couple weeks while he found some new jobs, and it's been quite fun having him around. Not to say it's been all smooth, I've been living by myself for almost two years, and I'd gotten very used to it. We've butted heads some, I've annoyed him, and he's teaching me pro wrestling moves. We even ran around Lake Merrit with duffel bags full of clothes, cause he and I wanted to get in shape to do the Tough Mudder in Septemeber. Then Odie had a full schedule because of job hunting, then he got sick, but we may get back into working out pretty soon here.

Odie and I also rearranged the living room, and got a TV and a wireless router, so I finally can have guests use the internet without having to unplug my internet and restart the cable box every time. Also I don't have to have a network cable running under my door from the living room. We called the router "mos eisley cantina" and have nicknamed our TV the Millenium Falcon, cause it's "a piece of junk" but it still works fine. Seriously, it was literally falling apart in our hands as we lugged it up the stairs to my apartment. But it was free, so what the heck. Also I didn't realize that you shouldn't carry a heavy-ass old CRT TV from the back, because the whole plastic casing will break off...


Whatever, now I have a TV in my living room! We watched movies! It was great. Also Odie brought his Xbox, and we played WWF '12. Did I mention Odie likes Pro Wrestling? He even made me a custom character in the game. Here is a picture:

Hahaha. yeah.

We also made a little video entry to a contest for "Broski of the Week," part of the publicity for Zack Ryder,  one of the wrestlers Odie likes. We didn't win the contest, but it was still fun.

Another great thing: went to Dr. Comics in Piedmont, got a Red Lantern ring and a little Star Trek Heroclix figure. I don't play the game, I just like Star Trek spaceships. It was a great store though, I'll definitely be back for more cool swag.

In other news, I had lunch a couple weeks ago with the friend I mentioned earlier who works for Ubisoft. It was interesting. We chatted a little about video games, he asked me what my career goals were... he told me about his artistic aspirations, and how he tries to pursue them in the little free time he has, between his intense job and his girlfriend. He is trained as a painter, and he paints and sculpts designer toys. I would share his online store, if I knew where it was. Looks like we might meet up again this month. 


He's really passionate about art, but he also likes having a job that pays the bills... it's a conflict that I'm somewhat familiar with, but I've always been on the flip side of his situation: whereas he's trying to squeeze in artistically enriching activities around his good job, I've been trying to squeeze in a good job around my artistically enriching activities.

I had a really emotional session with my therapist last Wednesday... about a month ago, he told me that he's going on an open-ended sabbatical on April 1, so I may not see him at all after that. I was kind of upset when he told me, but I didn't really realize how much it hit me until weeks later. It was a whole mix of things: sad that he was leaving, feeling a little betrayed that he was leaving, worrying that it was something I did wrong, or that he was tired of me, all sorts of stuff that you'd think would happen when a really close friend or a significant other was parting... I guess I didn't realize how much our work together meant to me...I've seen him for almost a year and a half now, and we've worked really well together...it's absolutely AMAZING how far I've come since I first started seeing him. I really got used to having his support every week or so...and now he's leaving...

I'll miss him. I may find someone else, and he even suggested a couple people he knows that he thinks would be good. Therapists are a funny thing: you tell them things you wouldn't tell your closest friends, and yet they are still detached from you in a sense, as a doctor is...

He reminded me that therapy is not like a college course: you don't work on it for a while, then suddenly have it all down and never go back to it again. People come and go from therapy as their life requires. I guess I'll always have that option. Unless of course I run out of money, lol.


...


I've noticed lately that I'm not reading any books, and it kind of bothers me. I started reading one of the numerous paperbacks I have on my shelves that was a gift, that I've never opened. I read the first chapter, and now it's back on the shelf, with a bookmark in it.

We'll see if I go back to it.

...

Friday night I had a "Cigars and Scotch" get-together with my friend Christine, and my friend Zac, who I performed with in Chess and Broadway Bound, (and with whom I will perform in Vaudeville at the Willows in June). Zac brought 12 year old Macallen, and a cigar he had, and I smoked one of the cigars I bought in 2009 in the Duty Free store in the Shanghai airport. It was great.

I wouldn't even be a cigar smoker, but one of my very good friends in college, Brad, once sat with me and drank whiskey and showed me how to smoke a cigar...and then I had a cigar at a cast party for a great show I was in, in 2010, and then my friend Greg smokes cigars and I've smoked with him... I guess I've gotten into it like I got into beer: I associate it with celebration and good company. Hopefully these little indulgences won't come back to haunt my respiratory health later in life.

Well there you go. Talk to you later!
~Chris

But can Krogans tap dance?

Song of the moment.

So, a belated happy Valentine's Day to you. Or Singles Awareness Day, as they say. I kinda tried to ask a girl to lunch Tuesday afternoon, but she turned me down, albeit very nicely.

I've been having a lot of fun in dance class! I don't know what I mentioned before, but I'm taking Beginning Tap, and Ballet Fundamentals. Not only is it fun and a good way to get a little exercise, but it's good training for me as an actor. To paraphrase what a friend of mine said, if you want to make a living as a theater actor,

1. Be male
2. Be a singer
3. Be a dancer

...the equivalent list for film includes #2: be handsome as f@ck

I got #1 down, and #2 sort of, and so I'm working on #3. Obviously left out there is being good at the actual acting, but the point is that you'll get WAYYY more work if you are versatile. And I think the reason for #1 is that there are more women trying to get into theater than men. I'm not sure if that applies to film acting as well.

Anyways, there's about thirty people in Tap, and 25 people in Ballet. Tap dance is interesting because it has the whole "tapping" aspect to it, basically turning your feet into percussion instruments. The product of Tap is visual and largely auditory, whereas Ballet is almost entirely a visual thing.

Then again, both Tap and Ballet usually have music behind them, so I suppose they are both auditory and visual. Ballet also has reams of music written specifically for it. Music and Dance are deeply connected. I imagine that their nature is akin to the relationship between magnetism and electricity— seemingly separate phenomena, but in reality deeply connected.*





Of course in Tap dance you have to keep on the beat, since you're playing a song, in a sense. I have a very good sense of rhythm (if I do say so myself) which helps a bit, but it can get me into trouble: for example, sometimes I'll get the sounds right but not the steps, since a lot of different steps make the same sounds (my right heel sounds the same as my left)

Now to Mass Effect 3, whose demo just came out the other day. I was watching this preview, and it pointed out something interesting: in response to player feedback regarding the tweaks they made to gameplay in the first two games, they implemented all the gameplay styles, and let you choose!

This just blew my mind, because it starts to break down the "genre" aspect that people often use to define video games.

When you think about it, the idea of taking a fictional world and letting people choose how to interact with it is already a thing, dating back to the 17th century when people wrote Opera treatments of famous plays. The next steps it could take might be interesting, however. Imagine, a big new story is coming out, and as a consumer/viewer/player, you could choose along a sliding scale, how interactive you want your experience of that story to be: all the way from completely passive (as a movie) to completely interactive (as a hugely in-depth video game, like EVA Online).

How about a world where "directing," like a movie director, is crowdsourced: the most entertaining playthroughs of interactive stories will be bought and sold like movies. This would be like an extension of watching gameplay videos on youtube. Obviously, the visual presentation for the viewer would have to be different from that of the player. VIRTUAL CAMERAMEN FILMING PRO GAMING TOURNAMENTS!!!

Whew! Freaked out a bit there.

Anyways...

What really interests me, however, is how to make an interactive story as moving and meaningful as a play or movie**. It may turn out that this is impossible. But I think it might be possible, and when it starts happening, I want to be there.

Here's one idea for the next level of artistic experience: theme parks and installation art have shown that the only thing more powerful than watching movies is feeling like you're in one. The amount of talent, time and effort that it takes to tailor a physical space is huge, but I think the potential for moving experiences in such a specifically designed environment is immense. And if you could combine that with interactivity, that would be really something.

I dunno why I got so excited there about virtual everything. It may not be that big of a deal. After all, we already have tons of intense, interactive, emotionally moving, meaningful experiences available in the real world. And the invention of new entertainment technology, from written language to new musical instruments to painting to photography to film to video games, has really only made us fancier toys to play with. The idea that as we invent new tools we are advancing, may not actually be true.


I guess we'll just have to see.  





*Extra points for using a science metaphor to describe the arts? Or minus points for oversimplifying a scientific concept to messily describe something unrelated? (Not to the Deepak Chopra level, hopefully)


**The main reason behind this interest is my repressed need for fame and popularity. I don't always realize that's the reason. Being in a show and having the crowd clap does sate this need quite well, to be honest.

I can't wash my balls with a bar of SOPA

The following is a post I wrote a couple weeks ago, but didn't publish 'cause I wasn't sure if it made any sense. Tonight I read it again, fixed it up a bit, and I think it makes fine sense. NOW THE DECISION IS YOURS!!!
____

I'm trying to get to the bottom of this SOPA PIPA thing, after being intrigued by this, which seems to imply that the Anti-SOPA movement is not really a grassroots thing, that it's just two different types of huge corporations fighting one another.

When I heard that, I was like "well shit, am I really fighting the right fight here?" Because I tend to question and analyze a lot of stuff, especially political and news-related stuff.

So I wondered, does anyone have any data about the jobs and money lost to the media industry, that can scientifically show the link between piracy and job loss?

That question led me to this testimony document. I couldn't read it without getting pissed off. Logical fallacies, twisted words, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

Did any one of these people take a logic class? Reductio ad absurdum, Ad Hominem, Straw man arguments, etc. I read better supported arguments on 4chan*.

Now I must mention that I didn't take a logic class, and I am nowhere near as ruthless about analyzing things that I am less suspicious of.

Why do the supposedly intelligent and responsible people you would imagine be put on a Senate Committee let people bullshit all day in the most sacred halls of government? It's absolutely sickening.

It sounds to me like this is all just a goddamn game played between billionaires, about profit margins. The reason lower profit margins could threaten jobs, is because when profits fall, the lowest paid people will be the first to get the fucking axe. Companies don't care about their people. They care about money. And they hire people to convince everyone that they do care about people. The only reason life in America isn't shitty is that they know that if they did really fucked up things, we would get pissed off and take them down.

So it's the old rule of marginal changes, that we learned about in school: as long as you change things a little bit at a time, nobody will get pissed off enough to really stop the progress.

Okay.

Well that's enough of that. I've blown off some steam.

I may have said a little too much earlier. I don't have any direct evidence to support the assertion that corporations only care about money. When it comes down to it, corporations are just businesses, and businesses are just institutions made of people. And people usually care about each other. Then again, it's hard to care about people that you never meet, unless you present them as people.

Maybe it's just how the world works, you know? Maybe money and power can never be separated. Everyone needs money to get along, you know? Maybe the old "power corrupts" saying is literally true: no matter how hard you try, with power comes corruption.

Maybe the reason power and corruption come together is because the more power one has, the more strong the illusion of control is.

If something bad happens that you feel you have no control over, all you can do is get upset. But if something bad happens that you do feel you have control over, you try to fix it. The more power you have, the more unintended side effects your attempts to fix the problem will have. These will in turn cause more problems.

I just think of the last few times I've been really pissed off. Yesterday, for example, I had to drive to Sacramento from Lafayette, for an appointment. I was running a little late, but as I got onto the freeway, I realized I didn't have any cash for the bridge toll. "Oh shit, damnit," I thought, and I got irritated that I would be late. But what really pissed me off, was that I should have remembered that. Most of my frustration came not from the situation, but the fact that I felt I had control over it.

And what do I do when we feel indignant? I react by blaming everything but myself. "Stupid speed limit is gonna make me late," or "My stupid smart phone couldn't find an ATM fast enough." The smart phone one is another example of my sense of power making me indignant. So I start getting really sensitive about being wrong.

Here's another factor to consider, something that I think should be considered more: the national economy, which is directly related to the prosperity of millions of people, is a very complex system. I think that sometimes policymakers and other businessmen overestimate how much they understand these systems, and that lack of understanding creates unintended consequences.

Or maybe I just think it's complex 'cause I never took any advanced statistics or economics classes. But the big meltdown in 2008 doesn't give me the impression that everyone knew what they were doing.

____


There you have it. My opinion about it now is that I'm glad they shot it down, and I agree with the Obama administration's stance that legislation is needed, but it needs to be better than this. In the meantime, I'm going to try going totally legit as far as my media diet. I'm an artist myself, you know. Hell, since I'm an actor maybe I can at least write my Netflix bill off as a business expense.

~Chris

"Are you not entertained??!"

So today I had a great matinee of Broadway Bound. Good audience, too, around 55 people, even on Super Bowl Sunday!

I was especially pleased with my big fight scene with Pop, because Tim was really into it and I actually felt angry. The job you have as a performer changes as the show progresses from first read, to rehearsal, to opening, to closing. In this show, we've already performed it eight times, so we have it down pretty well. The challenge here is keeping it honest and fresh, and not switching into autopilot. 

The actors in the cast are all really good at finding new stuff, that is to say, discovering a new meaning or line reading that wasn't there before, and exploiting it to enhance the depth of the performance. Discoveries also help keep the material fresh for the performers.

Photos by Jerry Telfer. From Masquer's Midwinter 2012 newsletter. The other cast  members are Zac Shuman, Marylin Hughes, Timothy Beagley, Avi Jacobson, and Georgie Craig. Set by John Hull, Costumes by Marjorie Moore, Props by Jean Rose, Lighting by John Gourdine.

I really look forward to certain parts of the play that I have down really well. When everything is clicking, and the other actors are on the same groove, it's almost like meditating, because thoughts cease and there's only awareness and reaction. Usually the problem with me is I think a lot, even on stage, and I'm very proud of myself that I've gotten some zen moments in this production.

After the show I went over to Grandma's house to visit her and watch the second half of the Super Bowl. She just had her left ankle replaced, and she has to have it in a cast until around Easter. It's an interesting situation for Grandpa, who isn't super used to cooking and other things. He made us eggs Benedict for dinner. 

On the way over, I was listening to the radio, and the halftime show, and I was getting chills and choking up a little just listening to it. Nothing really gets to me like big events where there's a ton of people watching, I guess. I have always loved the dramatics that sports provide, and even when it's not my team, I still get pretty into it.  

In a way I think athletes are similar to actors, because of the nature of what they do: it involves intense practice and rehearsal, and the culmination of it is a spectacle with high stakes. Granted, performers and stage people are not in direct competition with one another. But they are fighting for things. They're fighting against the small attention spans and critical eyes of the audience, in order to give them a story that has meaning and is entertaining. They're fighting the inherent difficulties found in any collaborative art project, in order to deliver the playwrights' message as clearly as possible. Now that I think of it, entertainers are in a sense fighting each other for the attention and money of the viewers, but not in the direct way football teams do. 

the coin toss

Plays and Sports both have a unique ability to inspire. 

In a similar vein, I must add that I love stadium shows, especially the Olympics opening and closing ceremonies. I have very clear memories of every Opening ceremony performance I've seen. They're just so unique...in terms of artistic expression, scale, budget, or people involved. And of course the whole world is watching. 

The 2000 Sydney Olympics opening ceremony

It's inspiring to me to see so many resources put forth for an artistic event. To me, if so many people want to put so much effort into an art project, maybe the ideals of art aren't as pointless as they can sometimes seem in modern society. Also, the diversity of skills and personalities that are all working together makes me hopeful that people can work out their differences in other areas like politics and war. 

But it doesn't have to be an artistic event for me to get excited about it. As I mentioned above, sports inspire me, for the dedication, skill, and cooperation that is required to succeed. Space exploration also is something that gets my heart pounding. 

I hope all this is at least mildly interesting to y'all. I've included some pictures to break up the text a bit. 

Also I feel a little bad for reposting those pics of the show without the photographer's permission. I will hopefully get better quality versions from him, he's an excellent photographer.   

TTYL

Hey! Here's a little post updating my life, and a few thoughts.

Just finished opening weekend for Broadway Bound at Masquer's Playhouse in Point Richmond. It went really well, audiences seemed to like it a lot, and I'm having a lot of fun with it. The one thing that was weird/heart-stopping, was what happened opening night. Central to Act II is a radio show, which was previously recorded on a CD, and is played from speakers hidden in an old radio on the set. The CD started skipping just as the scene got rolling. The other actors and I were freaking out a little. Thanks to the fact that the audience had never seen it before, and they were already way into the story after having seen the first act, nobody seemed to notice. My character is really anxious about the radio show in the first place, so I just  worried more. It worked out just fine! :-)

Also, I improvised a little frustrated whack on the prop radio with my hand. I was a little worried that the director would be upset at me for improvising, but she was spending most of her energy pissed off at the CD skipping, which turned out to be because the CD player in the booth was rather old... My fellow actors thought it was pretty awesome that I hit the radio, and that made me feel great!!

There were some great photos taken at final dress that I'll get my hands on eventually, to share here.

So usually about the time I open one show, I'm doing auditions for the next. This time I have a different plan. Seeing as my savings will not last me forever, I'm going to make getting a paying job my top priority. That is, a better paying job than theater. I have been talking to some people who say now is a good time to look for work. I got job applications from Fry's Electronics and Pete's Coffee, and I'll also be considering internships, paid or unpaid, as my non-acting resume is rather sparse at this point.

Today was my first day of dance class at Diablo Valley College, the local junior college. I'm taking Beginning Tap, and Ballet Fundamentals, one right after the other on Tuesdays and Thurdays. This is something I've been meaning to do for a long time, so I'm pretty stoked! We just did introductions and talked about the syllabus today, we'll really start dancing on Thursday. I need to get some ballet shoes, and I'm also gonna need to ask Mom if she kept my dance belt and tights from way back when I took a few weeks of ballet class in high school. The ballet instructor was pretty intense about clothes, because ballet is a visual art, and if you can't see the lines your body is making, you can't tell if you're doing it right. So yeah. It's gonna be fun! I'm not a complete beginner, but I've never had formal ballet training, so this will be challenging, but hopefully not too hard.

Going to DVC was fun today, seeing all the young people, mostly. I don't always run into many people my age in theatre, but college of course is full of them. I saw many friends that I already knew from the community around here, and hopefully made some new ones... I can be a little shy with socializing, but I'm determined to put myself out there a little more, because I'm always happier when I do.

I also tried out for Fancy Dinosaurs, the second improv team in the Theatre Dept. there (the first being Dragon Viper Cobra, which I knew a few members of already, who also has won some competitions in the city). I think I did okay! It was fun anyways. I'll find out about that later.

So yeah. In other news, I've been watching Adventure Time, which I find very enjoyable despite it being a kids show. My friend Jamie is desperate to get me into Sherlock, but I haven't gotten around to it.

When Mom, Dad, and Steven visited last weekend, I used a gift certificate from Christmas to get new kicks! Check 'em out!

Went to a sushi bar in the city with my buddy Odie to watch the 49ers play the Saints for the NFC championship. Tried hot sake for the first time. It was tasty, but unfortunately followed by the bitter of defeat. But what the hell, it was a good game, especially since we hadn't had a playoff win since 2003. Even the Ferry Building was showing team spirit.

Last but not least, after almost a year of being stuck on World 8, I finally beat Super Mario Bros. Many an expletive were thrown at the hated Hammer Brothers, whose seemingly random movements and endless fusillades of smithing equipment vexed me to no end.

On a final note, I just read this article on io9, and found it very interesting.

PEACE
~Chris

I am writing this instead of doing the dishes.

But you know what, that's okay. Because I am okay with the fact that the sink is full of dishes. And in my personal journey, it's more of an accomplishment to not do the dishes, and feel okay about it, than it is to do the dishes.

Now I just need to do the dishes.

Rehearsal is going really well for Broadway Bound, (the play I'm in: info here ) and it's really exciting, because we're so far along in the process, and we haven't even opened the play yet! Often when I'm in a show, we get to the third weekend, and I feel like "Oh, that's how that's supposed to work! I wish I had known that sooner."  This time is different. It's a fun show too.

If you're in the area, and want to come to the show, let me know! Also, if you want to come FOR FREE, we need lots of people at previews this Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday (16th,17th, and 18th) so we can get used to having an audience laugh.

By the way, I never really told you how my time at home for Christmas went.

It was wonderful. I picked up my brother Steven from SFO, and we drove up 101 together, taking turns putting our iPods on the stereo to share music (I found out Steven likes to bump Jurassic 5). It's a really pretty drive. Daniel was there at home, Mom and Dad were really glad to see us, so was Violet (their kitty). Steven and I jammed on a little Paul Simon (I brought my bass guitar), Dad barbecued the turkey for Christmas dinner, it was delicious.

Steven and I even got to take a little walk up the redwoods in the drizzle. It was great. The woods up there are kind of my spiritual home. I love going up there.

When it came time to come back to the Bay, I was a little melancholy. In fact on the drive back, I felt really lonely. Then really angry. I don't know why I get so angry when I leave.

Anyways, that all passed, and I'm very pleased to be back here with all my friends. My new year's resolution is to put more into my friendships.

Here's a picture of the art that my parents gave me for Christmas:

by Elaine S. Benjamin, www.bluechairpress.com

Oh and here's the cool clock Steven gave me:

Hard Drive clock by John Berwick Gearomatic@aol.com (a classmate of Steven's) 

So yeah, that's how things are for now.

~Chris

"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, that are dreamt of in your Third-Quarter Revenue Projections."

Listening to the rebroadcast of "Forum" on KQED, they're talking about SOPA and PIPA, they have a guy from Google, and a guy from NBC Universal, and they're having a very good discussion. They're making me think harder about the issues, presenting it as a nuanced issue, and assuaging my outrage to a certain extent.

That's not to say I didn't do some yelling in the car at this vogon from Insanely Huge Media Conglomerate dodging questions. Yeah, yeah, I get his point that the online world should have theft laws, just like the physical world. But even so the idea of the federal government shutting down sites just sickens me. I liked it better when art hadn't been dismembered and maimed so it could fit into business models as "Intellectual Property."

I just want to point out that any debate is going to be biased, you can't avoid that. But even when it is biased, you can attempt to minimize the bias, and you can encourage thorough discussion. I haven't taken a course on debate, so I'm not sure of the theoretical basis for productive discussion. But I know it when I hear it.

Does anyone but me realize that discussing divisive issues can actually lead to a solution? That it's not just about getting one's point of view across? And certainly not just about getting higher Nielsen Ratings? Not only that, but the quality of public discussion will directly influence the quality of thinking that goes on about these issues. Better thinking means finding better solutions quicker. Who wouldn't want that?

News and radio and magazines need to make money, but I would greatly appreciate it if they would realize that there are higher needs than making money, and businesses that publish multimedia material are in the perfect position to influence things in a positive way. This won't necessarily make you money in the short run, but it will give you a legacy that will live beyond your product or company name. It's a tall order to have a profitable and "not evil" business, as Google can attest, but I wouldn't mind if a few more businesses actually aspired to that in more than just their mission statements.

It makes me want to start a non-profit that is specifically dedicated to productive public debate. It might prepare citizens better for town hall meetings and legislative hearings. In a democracy, if "the people" rule, then we also have the responsibility of rulers, to be more than just a member of a mindless horde, to see both sides of the issue, to be devoted to oneself, but also to consider things beyond.

Granted, it's hard enough to make a living these days without trying to consider things beyond one's own needs, but it's something that can be done, and every little bit helps. Organized religion has given "faith" a bad rap, but I think it can be applied without danger in this sense: to have faith that the good acts you do and the extra time and work you put in will benefit someone along the way, if you've thought it out right. You may not see these things happen right in front of you, but they will happen, and they'll happen even after you're gone.